Relationship Advice: When a Man Tells You He's Too Busy

I have become the de facto person that my friends turn to when it comes to relationship advice. I decided that I wanted to share some of the wisdom I've received from my mother with you (my readers). I had a sista write me for some advice on my other website and I decided to respond to her here because 'Black Girl Singular' is a more appropriate forum to discuss something like this instead of The Savvy Sista.

Here is what she wrote:

I really need advice! I met this guy in October on a dating site, we realized we both grew up in the same area...we both moved out of state and now live about 30 min from each other, having that in common was what first attracted us to each other, we talked online about a week, then text and phone another week, talked about EVERYTHING, he asked some serious, intense questions..hes ready to settle down, get married, prefers to be in a relationship opposed to dating for fun. We met and it was like we'd known each other for months...we both said it when we finally met...it went great, we ended up sleeping together. He asked me if we became serious if Id be willing to move..into his house, I have a child and we discussed step parenting. We talked another week, saw each other again, I stayed with him, he made me breakfast in the morning...we talked another 3 or so days then he got a little distant...I didn't see him the next weekend and I did ask him if everything was ok, he is a high school teacher..he took extra classes this yr for extra money and he also is a head coach for a winter sports team at the school that started the same week he got distant...he told me this is the busiest time of year for him and needs me to understand, he said its not a lack of interest but a lack of energy. Well, I have not seen him since the end of Oct. I asked again a few weeks ago if everything was ok since his texts were next to nothing unless I text first, then he'd answer..he said again he's exhausted, busy, he apologized for the timing several times. About a week ago I asked again only because I was afraid he was trying to spare my feelings! He said he barely has time for himself let alone anything else, again apologizes for bad timing, tells me he's not dating anyone else(he took down his online profile after we met) I asked if he wanted to pursue something with me if so I could be patient and he said he wants to but with the way things are going, it won't be until end of Jan when his schedule goes back to normal..so I told him I would wait, I wasn't going to pressure him and we'd talk or Whatever when he could until then, he said that was fair and again apologized and said he wished it was different. Still he doesn't initiate contact, we talked a week ago and I text him that I missed him about 4 days ago and got no reply...I've sent nothing else since. I want to believe he's genuine and honest and that if I'm patient until Jan something good will happen, I feel different about him, can't explain it. But am I totally crazy for going along with this? Is he just trying to ease out of it? Or is his life that hectic right now that he feels like he can't give anything in a relationship? Sorry so long! I wanted to be as detailed as possible, I really need to make a decision.

Here is my response:

Dearest Sista,

I can give you all the cliche' responses. I can tell you that you slept with him too early or that he got from you what he was seeking and chose to move on, but those types of responses are not going to mend your wounded heart and spirit. There are some things in life that I know to be true and one of those things is that a person will make time for what he/she wants to make time for. If Mr. Man considered you a valuable component within the grand scheme of his life, trust me, there is nothing short of an act of God that could keep him from making time for you. Trust me, no one is that busy.

As women (and I'm guilty of this too) we have a penchant for projecting our hopes and aspirations for a relationship upon a person even though they have not proven themselves worthy of our love and affection. Your womanly intuition is screaming to you that something is wrong with this situation, but instead of listening to her you are trying to suppress her voice because facing the reality that this may not be the man for you is too painful for you to face. So you rather PRETEND to be in the Land of Ignorance where bliss is bountifully, but the truth is you already know what is going on.

You should never have to put your life on hold to be happy. Life is dynamic---constantly moving and evolving. It cannot prosper when it's stagnant and put on pause. Do not wait for him. Love yourself enough to know that you are worthy of a man that will love you enough to make time for you. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve and will have better. Just LOVE yourself and continue to be the best mother that you can be because trust me there is a man out there for you, but first you need to love yourself in order to show him how to love you.

Don't let loneliness cause you to settle for a guy who is obviously not worthy of you. You deserve so much better, but I can't be the one to believe it. You have to believe it for yourself. Don't allow a person to take the spotlight in your life while you fade to the shadows. You deserve better.